Texas Girl

3 days y’all!  3 days until I set off on a brand new adventure toward the west coast and toward my future!  I’m beyond excited and am pretty much going crazy just waiting for the days to pass.

That being said, I’ve been back home in Texas for about four months now—the longest I’ve been back since I was in high school here.  And while I’m more than ready to head out into the California sunshine, I’m definitely going to miss some things about TX.

Obviously, I’m going to miss my friends and family more than anything.  It’s been fun and oddly refreshing being able to spend time with my family and just sort of have some time off from everything.  When I moved back to Texas I was going through a rough time, and I owe a lot of my renewed and rekindled happiness to everyone here (and my friends and family in other states too!).  I’m super close with my family and I’d be lost without my girlfriends, so all of y’all better come visit me in LA!  And thank you so so much for everything—I love ya’ll.

Being home in Texas has brought back a lot of wonderful memories, and in the four short months that I’ve been here, this state has yet again changed my life.  I’ve met some incredible people, fallen crazily, madly in love, restored old friendships, had an...interesting…job experience, and taken time for myself to just figure out me.  I’ve gotten a chance to do a lot of writing and a lot of thinking (also a lot of TV watching—America’s Next Top Model marathons anyone?).  Honestly, when I moved back here I was a little worried and a little skeptical.  And I know it’s time for me to move on and say goodbye to Texas (at least for now), but I’m so thankful that the wonderful Lone Star State welcomed me back with open arms.  Texas, you will forever have a hold on my heart.

In honor of my many memories (good and bad) and my love for TX, I've written a poem to try and capture my visceral, passionate reaction to growing up here.

lone star

The summer whispered freckles against my face,

And my hair turned to melted butterscotch.

I grew wild in the Texas heat,

A dandelion, breeze-blown and fragile—

Some are meant for heartbreak

And I ran barefoot by the lake

Until the tears left streaks of salt,

Left the sand stained by my surrender.

But in the Texas wind, dry and dusty,

I gathered all the daydreams,

Spread my arms and leapt from ledges

Soaking in my adolescence,

Dancing in the dark to rumors and rebellions.

I remember the firework, a Black Cat,

Spiraling past my face, so close the heat warmed my cheeks

So close, echoes of red etched my pupils.

I remember skies, endless and soft,

And us, sitting on the tops of cars,

Making promises and predictions,

Wondering if the future always felt so far away.

The pavement like a stove, we soaked in the warmth

And fueled our hearts with the summer storms that tumbled into town,

Big bellied and purple from the ripening rain.

In the seconds before the thunder

I’d balance on the crooked fence,

Waiting for the electricity, the hot-blood current, to pulse through me

To plunder and pleasure me.

I grew unruly in the Texas lightening

And grew up into a woman.

Born into boots and bourbon,

Branded by the red white and blue

Tied to no one and no thing—

A child of the lone star state.