Making a Change

I've been thinking a lot lately about femininity, feminism, and women's rights. I guess it's no surprise what with the crazy stuff that's happened recently in Texas. *quick note--I am not trying to get political here. I do believe a certain way, but I respect others beliefs and opinions and would ask others to do the same*

Also, I miss my gender studies classes. Also (x2), these issues have become especially relevant in my life right now as a young female navigating girlhood and womanhood, trying to figure out her past, while simultaneously trying to manage the present and dream about the future.

So, you can see why feminism and womanhood are at the forefront of my thoughts right now.

I've always had trouble with these issues and ideas, if I'm being honest. I've always struggled to be a strong, independent feminist. A girl who doesn't take shit from anyone-especially sexist shit--and who is proud of her body and of her self. I strive to be this woman every day. And so often I've felt as though I've fallen short. I obsess over my hair. I whine that I have nothing to wear (when my closet could be a small boutique). I constantly plague myself with concerns of 'am I pretty enough?' 'am I thin enough?' 'am I desirable enough?' I get hair extensions. I buy more clothes. I convince myself that no, I'm not pretty or thin, or desirable enough. I crave attention--but not for my intelligence, or my humor, or my quirky personality.

And it makes me nauseous.

I could blame it on society. I could blame it on the times I got made fun of as an awkward, flat-chested teenager. I could blame it on secrets much deeper and darker. And sure, all of these things are, to some degree, probably to blame for my feminine obsessions and flaws.

But they can't be blamed if I don't decide to make a change. That's on me.

It's on all of us as individuals to find the courage and confidence to say, "You know what, screw it. Screw these negative feelings and self-loathing." 

This mantra of overcoming isn't anything new. Women have been preaching positivity and body-love for years; we've been fighting and beating sexism--self-inflicted and otherwise--every single day. But it never hurts to hear someone say it again. Especially when it's you telling yourself that you're worth it. That you're beautiful (because each of us really, truly is). That you don't have to put up with feeling worthless or too fat or not sexy enough. 

I'm not saying it's easy to overcome the negativity, the stereotypes, and the self-ingrained negativity. I'm 23 and I've struggled with it all my life. Some days are better than others. But it feels good to try; and it feels even better to notice your progress.

Example? I gained 10 lbs recently. In the past, this number would have sent me spiraling into misery and an attempt to only eat granola. But when I stepped on the scale, saw the new number, and saw myself in the mirror, I felt--finally--strong and proud and beautiful. There was a body that could run, hike, and dance. There was a person who looked happy, glowy, and full of self-love.

We can't expect to overcome our issues (whatever they may be) in a matter of minutes, hours, or even days. But know that it is possible to overcome them. Surround yourself with loving people, practice positivity, and know that you're worth it.

Okay, well, now that I've bombarded you with a rather serious post, I'm going to make dinner and get ready to watch The Bachelorette (only the best show EVER)!

XOXO!

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Lazy Sunday, Naked People, and Coffee

Currently watching 'Naked and Afraid,' and eating a delicious bowl of quinoa/split pea soup/mushrooms/black beans/corn with my boo and my doggie. Has anyone watched this show? It's ridiculous and fascinating and totally fun to watch. Basically, one guy and one girl (both survival experts who have never met) are thrown into some jungle/island/uninhabited place with no food, no water, and duh...duh...duh...NO CLOTHES. That's right, they're buck naked. Which isn't as exciting as it sounds since they blur out everything but the bums, but still, it's entertaining. Anyway, this guy and girl have to survive 21 days by themselves. It actually seems pretty legit. There are camera men but they don't do anything, and at night it's just the two survivalists. If they make it all 21 days they don't get anything, but they've proven that 'they have what it takes to survive NAKED AND AFRAID.' I dunno, that's not enough incentive for me to go risk snakes and sharks and poison frogs and torrential rains and some creepy naked dude. 

But it's great watching these people interact. There seems to be a pattern though--the guy always thinks he can do everything, belittles the woman, then proceeds to drink bad water (which the female warns him not to) or injure himself, and the woman ends up being the one who knows how to do (and does) everything. I'm not trying to be all feminist-y over here (though I do consider myself a feminist), but it's definitely an interesting study in gender. And who doesn't want to watch naked people poop in nature and try to catch eels with their bare hands?

Tonight's actually the season finale, but I bet you can watch it on the Discovery Channel.

Oh! So yesterday I posted a bunch of inspirational quotes, and I came across another one today on Pinterest that I really like:

"Your flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love you." -unknown

Isn't that awesome? And I really, truly believe it. No one is perfect, it's just a matter of finding someone who's imperfections fit with yours. I'll be the first to admit that I have a lot (A LOT) of flaws, and I feel lucky to be with someone who loves me in spite of--and even because of--them.

Also, on a totally random but awesome note, Margaret Cho followed me on Twitter today. Day officially made. That woman is my idol.

Hope everyone had a good Sunday! Mine was lazy and full of delicious coffee and bad TV (just the way I like it). Start your Monday off right tomorrow--AKA with caffeine and a smile (cheesy, I know, but so true).

XOXO!

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Be Inspired

Today's been a little (or a lot) on the rough side, so I took to the interwebs in search of inspiration.

And I figured everyone could use some inspiring quotes/images/etc. So I've included some of my favorites.

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou

Love this quote; its really inspired me today.

So true.

The happy times wouldn't be nearly as happy without the occasional sad moments.

"Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride..." -Gary Allen

One of my favorite songs. 

I feel better already. 

Have a good weekend ya'll!

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Music Music Music!

I've got more music to talk about today! Anyone who knows me, is well aware that I sing almost constantly--in the car, in my sleep (not even kidding), around complete strangers, at work, etc. I'm not, like, a wonderful singer (I think I'm okay though!) but I just really, really love to sing. It's second nature to me, I've been doing it ever since I was little. I was in choir for a while, but we sang the most boring, ridiculous songs that I quit. So now I'm a recreational, karaoke-queen, totally unembarrased-about-it singer.

So I really love listening to music because it gives me more stuff to sing. And also because, duh, music is powerful and inspiring and creative and is always there for you whether your happy, upset, euphoric, questioning, anything really. And I love when I find new bands! Last night I went to a concert at the Bootleg Theater and heard two amazing bands.

The first one is TeamMate, who I already liked but am now kind of obsessed with. Anything I say really won't do them justice, so check out their website (http://www.teammateband.com) and their music on iTunes. I suppose they're sort of indie pop duo? I don't know how to genre-tize music. Suffice to say their music is awesome, quirky and upbeat. 

TeamMate (picture courtesy of Linus and Instagram) rocking out on the drums and keyboard.

Following TeamMate was Skylar Grey. You probably know her as the girl who sang on that Dr. Dre song 'I Need a Doctor.' But she's a solo artist now with a new record and she's pretty badass. I'd never heard any of her solo stuff, but after watching her last night, I immediately downloaded some of her music. She has an incredible voice and her songs range from sweet and sensitive ballads to electro-pop dance numbers to edgy, rap-like tracks. Oh, and she also wrote 'Love the Way You Lie,' (I and II), so there's that.

Love her logo thingie.

Anyhow, check these bands out and have a good start to your weekend!

XOXO!

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Silly Fun Stuff

Whew, sorry for the delay on a post! I've been busy, busy busy!

Haha I don't even know what to write about today.

Oh--last night I went and saw Capital Cities at The Grove (basically this giant courtyard mall with tons of delicious restaurants, fancy stores, and music).

It was fun--they have a really good sound. I only knew their recent hit song, but the rest of their stuff sounded pretty good too.

It was a beautiful night for an outdoor concert!

This is going to be a very random post...

THIS is the most amazing stuffed animal ever. It's a Ghost Pony that I got at Comic Con. It's part of a series of stuffed animals/comic books called Vamplets and it's ADORABLE. It's like My Little Ponies but darker and quirkier. I snuggle it all day and Louie gets jealous. 

Speaking of Louie...here are a few silly pictures of the Murfle (this is what Linus and I call dogs, it's kind of a long story, but it's an official part of our vocabulary now).

With his new teddy bear after a bath and blow dry

Snoozing on my shirt being all cute and stuff (just like his mommy) ;)

Go out and have a great Thursday everybody! Do a dance, give someone a hug, have a delicious new drink you've never tried, eat a bunch of those mini donuts, I don't know, just go do something FUN!

XOXO!

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my heart out of my hands

my heart out of my hands

Waiting in the wings

Sleeping, caught up in dreams that spiraled out

I’ve been taken in and taken under

Too many times

I inverted, watching beneath a veil of crushed velvet

Standing in shadow, the play of light a lace gown

A child bride, discarded

Disconnected, a desert gypsy

Until the ocean, swollen beneath the sky

Until you, with no regard for the rules

Brought out the best in me

And welcomed the worst

Unknowingly unwound me,

Lifting the shroud of lost affections

Standing in the sun, drenched in sweet sensation

Connected, two west coast kids

Caught up in dreams come true

Listening to The Cardigans and The Civil Wars and felt inspired to write some poetry.

Still recovering from Comic Con and having a relatively lazy day. Louie and I have been napping/chilling on the couch enjoying our Monday. Has anyone heard that song 'Holiday From Real' by Jack's Mannequin? It's about California-LA specifically-in the summer, and how every day should be a 'holiday from real.' Anyway, that's how today has felt haha in the best possible way!

Have a magnificent Monday!

XOXO

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Weekend Fun: San Diego, Nerf Herder, and Comic Con

You guys. I just had an awesome weekend.

Linus and I headed out on Friday to go to San Diego for the show with his band Nerf Herder. After an enjoyable 3 hour drive (we danced, we sang, we made butt jokes) and a lot of coffee we arrived in the city, checked out our ballin hotel (somehow we ended up with a double suite) and headed over to the venue. The evening consisted of some delicious food at Pita Jungle (hummus, roasted veggies, yuuuum), lots of fun hanging out with friends, and an awesome show.

This awesome photo was taken by Aurora Pringle--I'm obsessed with it.

My boo and I pre-show :)

Nerf Herder!

We devoured gummy bears, mixed nuts, grapes, nutter butters, and a blueberry pastry thing at 2 AM...sometimes you just gotta indulge you know?  

So, originally, our plan was to do the show Friday night, sleep in Saturday, and then drive back to LA.  However, at the last minute, one of our friends offered us TWO TICKETS TO COMIC CON!!!!!!!!!! I have always always always wanted to go to one of these crazy conventions and I was beyond excited. Thankfully, I'd come prepared and packed my Emma Frost (she's a character from X-Men) costume at the last minute juuuust in case something like this happened. And Comic Con was every bit as exciting and awesome and nerdtastic as I expected. I wanna go back so bad :)

Me in my costume!

So much kawaiiiii!  I think I overdosed on cuteness.

Loved this costume! Kiki's Delivery Service is one of my favorite movies! If you haven't seen it check it out. It's a Studio Ghibli film (if you don't know what that is then we can't be friends.  Just kidding. Sort of.)

I have no idea what this guy was dressed as but I liked it.

Do yourself a favor and don't eat the food at Comic Con. They do have a Starbucks; survive off of coffee.  

Me and Wolverine! 

My fancy pass!

After Comic Con we hopped in the car and drove back to LA for one of our friend's birthday parties.

We brought this little dude and he sat on my lap by the bonfire all night.

It was an incredible weekend and I still can't believe I got the chance to go to Comic Con! I can't wait to go to another one!

Oh, also, my dog likes to wear my underwear on his head.

XOXO!

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Heading to San Diego!

Hey everyone!

So in about an hour Linus and I are heading to San Diego for the weekend!

His band Nerf Herder is playing tonight so we're taking a mini road trip! Also, it's Comic Con this weekend which is awesome (Daryl's supposed to be there...). We're not actually going to the convention (which is sad because I really wanted to wear my Emma Snow costume), but I have a feeling there will be lots of people dressed up as all sorts of wonderfully nerdy things walking around.  --> I'm not dressing up but I do have an awesome Star Wars tee shirt that I plan on rocking.

Anyhow, I may not be able to update the blog for the next day or so, but never fear--upon my return I will post about all the fabulous San Diego craziness!

Hope everyone has a fantabulous weekend!

XOXO!

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Hump Day Happenings

Okay, some website business first:

As you may have noticed, the links at the top of my blog don't work (the ones that say 'running,' and 'fashion,' and all that. At some point I want to filter my posts into these categories but I'm very computer challenged so that hasn't happened yet. But it will! I'm nothing if not obnoxiously determined.  AKA I'll convince my brother to figure it out. Speaking of which, I owe my little bro a huuuge shout out. He's the one who created the entire layout for this blog and made it look all beautiful and girly and awesome. So thanks bro--I love my blog and it would've looked like a bunch of poo without your help!

Another random musing:

As you also may have noticed, most of what I write on here is pretty personal. Which I think is awesome, I love having a place to share what's going on in my life! I feel blessed if people want to know about my thoughts and adventures and obsessions. So thank you everyone for reading--it really means a lot! :) I love you all! I also want to clarify that the creative pieces I post on here, whether poetry/short stories/weird stuff, aren't necessarily a reflection of how I'm feeling or what I'm doing. Everything I write is usually some combination of personal and imagined, a mess of fact and fiction. So if I post a sad poem that doesn't mean my life is in shambles. I'm super emotional--hell, the other day I cried because the sky was so beautiful--and sometimes a girl just needs to emote. I love writing about my own experiences, but I also enjoy putting myself in other situations and mindsets that aren't necessarily my own.

Okay! Hmm, what else do I have to blabber on about today?

Oh! There are parking garages everywhere here! Today I went to Target and had to PARK UNDERGROUND. You wanna go to the mall?  Park underground. You wanna see a movie? Park your booty underground. It kind of baffles me. Sometimes I feel like such a country girl.

Also, I drink too much coffee. My cousin and I have decided that we need to make tee-shirts extolling our addictions and that, perhaps, we should get help. Seriously, I drink at least two cups in the morning, a cup with lunch, then I go to a coffee shop sometime throughout the day and get a latte or dirty chai, then it's quite possible I'll order one to go and drink that. It's becoming serious. The other day I tried not to have any coffee and ended up with a headache. It's just so damn delicious! Especially delicious: the smores flavored coffee I bought at Target today (the Archer Farms brand)--tastes like marshmallows and graham crackers all up in my mouth. Yummm.

Lastly, it's hump day! Yeehaw! Enjoy your Wednesday everyone!

XOXO

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Let's Talk About CLOTHES!

Let’s talk about CLOTHES.

I love them.

Well, I love the idea of them. And I love buying them and my closet is full of colors and craziness. But more often than not, you can find me in an oversized dude’s tee shirt or a big cozy sweater. I always like to look cute, but sometimes I think casual and quirky is the cutest style of all.

That being said, I can totally amp it up when I’m going out. I love a good fancy dinner dress, or a sexy, barely-there ensemble with high heels (they have to be at least 4 inches or I won’t wear them). I love rompers and leather jackets and patterned blouses.

But when I take stock of my most worn pieces the list goes like this: my high-waisted denim shorts, my dark green maxi-dress, any of my loose tank tops, my Wildfox sweaters, my boyfriend’s tee shirts, my cowboy boots, and my beloved white and gold sandals I got on mega-sale at Dillard’s like three seasons ago.

So where do I shop (in case you're wondering)? Generally places like Buffalo Exchange, Free People, and Forever 21. Since moving to Hollywood I’ve discovered Wasteland and it is officially my favorite place to shop. And just window-shopping on Melrose Avenue is awesome. I’ve never been the sort of girl to shop designer labels (except for the couple of years that I had a pretty severe addiction to Betsey Johnson—but c’mon, she’s fabulous!). I much prefer to find deals at resale shops (mostly because I’m broke), but also because it’s more fun and ensures that you have a unique wardrobe.

That being said, if I ever make a ton of money, I’m going to go buy a pair of Louboutin’s just so I can flash the red bottoms obnoxiously.

The biggest thing I’ve learned about style over the years is that you just have to go for it. Wear what you want how you want to wear it. Embrace your own sense of fashion and don’t let anyone's opinion sway you (unless you exclusively wear Christmas sweaters…then you should seek help). I’ve had plenty of people judge me for the clothes I wear, and in the past there were times when it really demoralized me. But day by day, I've become more proud of who I am and I strive to express that through my wardrobe. I love my style and I love sharing it with the world! :)

Shopping on Melrose montage!

This is my brand new, most favorite (ignore the bad grammar) piece! I've been day-dreaming about this sweater ever since I saw it online (where it was like $300). When I saw it at Wasteland the other day (for $28!!!!) I had a glorious freak out and wore it that night (even though it was hot outside). It's cozy, and wooly, and it has a RAINBOW on it.

Yeah I'm a bit of a camera whore. But I'm so obsessed with this sweater I couldn't help taking more photos in it. Also, those are my favorite shorts (Louie tries to eat the little hardware studs, silly puppy).

Yay clothes!

XOXO!

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No One Ever Tells You

No One Ever Tells You

In those first instants, when you sway, balanced on the edge of something wondrous, your body, long before the mind, begins to fall.  The promise of potential, a surge of intimate electricity, like tinder to your cheeks.  Banter and half-make-believe flirtations draw you back across the room, until you find a flickering.  That unspooling of emotion, the ricochet of hope after so many unasked prayers.  February—so brutal in her shortness—no time for proper grieving.  But in those first moments, an urge, an aching, to cast off the black of betrayal, and crumble.  Slip smiling from the tightrope, wound tight as barbed wire round your heart, into the ocean.  Into a future so soon conceived.  From a neon haze, you drift through the hours after, glowing.  Until the coast is yours, cupped in shaky hands.  And the horizon—endless—represents how far you’ve flown.

But no one ever warns you. 

You fell hard, fast from a broken ledge. 

Toppled into loving; tumbled into happiness.

But no one ever tells you how easy it is to break.  

In the dusky hours, when memories surface with the sunset, things begin to fall.  Secrets shared too soon, sad songs played in secret.  Boxes, half-unpacked, wallow with hungry mouths, while silence feeds your fears.  The past has a way of staying with you, woven messily into your shadow.  You want so fiercely, you move ferociously.  A dance of desperation, you clutch at the new pieces.  The wild sorrow in your eyes sending signals unreadable.  The ground grows closer and you plummet quicker, clutching at tomorrow.

It’s a long way down.

But no one needs to warn you.

No one needs to tell you what you stand to lose.

You already know.

And in the melting summer morning, you break the fall.  Find your footing and clamber back into today.  Your worries swept up into the west coast wind, the days of winter splintered in the waves.  Now there are sleepy Sundays, sweet embraces, and endless possibilities.  There are your dreams and the dreams you twist together.  You crave and cherish equally, caught up—tangled up—wonderfully in what you could’ve lost.

No, no one ever tells you.

Sometimes you have to fall.

I wrote this the other day after listening to the music I recommended on the blog yesterday. Melanie Penn has a song called "Before a Fall," and there's a line where she says, "Nobody tells you everything you stand to lose before the fall." Those words took my breath away and immediately inspired me. They made me think about how suddenly, how ferociously, we sometimes fall in love. We are struck by the possibilities and by the wondrous potential of a new relationship; oblivious to the pain and difficulty that awaits us should things go wrong. Every relationship has it's ups and downs, every relationship has falls both good and bad. Having recently fallen into something incredible, I know the way it feels to fall in love and also the way it feels when fear and worry trip you up. But if you're lucky, sometimes someone is there to catch you.  Sometimes you have to catch yourself and find a way to stand back up. But a fall is always the beginning of something...and sometimes it's the best thing that can happen to you.

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